English 0. 1: Hector's Arrival. Bridget and Annie share a flat in London. Bridget is a fitness enthusiast and also a tough nut when it comes to romance. She receives a letter from her old penfriend in Argentina called Hector saying that he plans to visit – on that very day!

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There is a knock on the door but it is not Hector it is Nick, the boy next door who fancies Bridget and will not be happy to hear that he has new competition. When Hector does arrive, at first he doesn’t look very attractive. He is dressed very strangely and acts very strangely. The girls leave him with Nick who persuades him to tell Annie that her dog is in the oven, and to ride on Bridget’s exercise bike knowing that she hates anyone riding her bike. When the girls return they are suitably annoyed and decide that Hector must go. That is, until he emerges from the shower!

When they see him without his old- fashioned clothes, they realise that he is very good looking. Nick discovers that Hector comes from ‘one of the richest families in Argentina’, but Hector is determined to keep it a secret. Now, both Nick and the girls are very keen for him to stay!

Narrative. BRIDGET [reading email message]‘Gigi!! Did you get my message? Please call me. Love, John.

P. S: Did you get the flowers?’BRIDGETIs he stupid?!(Writes email)‘I told you last night, it’s finished. Sorry. B.(And don’t call me GIGI.)’John [on phone]But please don’t leave me. BRIDGETDon’t cry. Oh, goodbye. Oh and happy birthday! Aah, men! ANNIECome on Charley, come on. Post, Bridget. Charley and I have the post, haven’t we Charley.

BRIDGETGive me the post, Charley. Dog growls]Give me the post, Charley. ANNIEDrop it, Charley. Oh, good boy! Oh, telephone bill, gas bill, electricity bill. Oh. Ah, what’s this? Mmm, a parcel for you, Bridget. BRIDGETOh, good. What is it?

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Oh, it’s from mother. ANNIEOh, ‘Bridget darling, this arrived for you and I made you this. Love Mummy.’Oh, ho- ho, oh very you, Bridget! BRIDGETMother! Ooh, this is from Argentina.

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ANNIEArgentina. Who from? What does it say? BRIDGET[Erm], it says ‘Hello, do you remember me?’No.‘Seven years ago we was pen pals.’‘We was’ – we were pen pals.

Oh yeah, now I remember, it’s Hector! ANNIEWho’s Hector? BRIDGETHe was my pen pal seven years ago. ANNIEOh. BRIDGET‘I speak English good now.’ I speak English good. I speak English well now – ‘and I am coming to England.’ANNIEOh, Latin Americans! BRIDGET‘I would like to sleep with you.

Do you have a bed for me?’Oh, he wants to stay here! Oh]. Ah, ha, ha. ANNIEBut [erm] what about the rules? ANNIEOoh, a Latin American here, ooh, like Ricky Martin! Tall, handsome, rich!

So [erm] when is he coming? Watch Turkey Shoot Tube Free on this page. BRIDGETOh [erm] let me see.

It says ‘November 5th.’ANNIEOh, November 5th. But that’s …BRIDGET… Today! Sound of knocking on door. BRIDGET and ANNIEAaaah!!!

BRIDGETOh, oh it’s you Nick! NICKHi, babes! ANNIEHello Nick.

How are you? NICKGr- eat. Nice muscles. Here’s your milk. BRIDGETOur milk. You mean our milk you borrowed three weeks ago. ANNIEOh, thanks Nick. NICK[Speaking in a mock Italian accent]I forget nothing! ANNIEWould you like a drink, Nick?

Would you like a drink, Nick? Telephone rings. NICKUhh. ANNIEI said, would you like a drink, Nick? NICKOh! Sorry. No thanks.

ANNIEOh, erm, Bridget’s friend is coming. NICKOh yeah. ANNIEAha. From Argentina. NICKWow! From Argentina! What’s she like? ANNIEShe is a he!

NICKHuh? ANNIENot a girl, a boy. Watch Peter Mediafire. NICKOh. Tough guy, ay! Why don’t I show you how to do it properly! BRIDGETNick, I’ve told you before, nobody uses my bike, nobody, is that clear?

NICKWhy not? BRIDGETWhy not?!! If you touch my bike again, you are out – O- U- T, out. Clear?! NICKWhat? Sound of door slamming.

Sound of knocking on door. BRIDGETI said …HECTORHello. ANNIEHello. HECTORI am called Argentina. I am from Hector. ANNIEYou mean ‘I am called Hector.’HECTORYou are called Hector?

ANNIEOh, no, no, no, I am called Annie. HECTORI am called Annie. BRIDGETNo! She means ‘I am called Hector, I am from Argentina.’HECTORYou are from Argentina! BRIDGETOh, come in! ANNIE [sending email]‘Hi Nadia.

Bridget’s pen pal arrived this morning.’HECTORHello. ANNIE [sending email]‘He is, mmm, strange.’NICKHi babes! ANNIEHello Nick![sending email] ‘Oh and Nick from next door is so funny! He brought our milk back from three weeks ago.’NICKI forget nothing!

BRIDGET [sending email]‘Chrissy! Nick is so stupid, he touched my bike.

Men!’BRIDGETNobody uses my bike, nobody, is that clear? NICKWhy not! BRIDGETWhy not?!! BRIDGET [sending email]‘Also, Hector is here from Argentina. His English is not very good.’HECTORI am called Argentina. I am from Hector. HECTORThese are my cars. BRIDGETYou play with cars?!

HECTORYes, you play, no? I play with cars. BRIDGETHe plays with cars! HECTORI read. I love the library.

BRIDGETFascinating! ANNIEWe go to the library too, don’t we, Bridget. BRIDGETYes, it’s great! HECTORGood. I live here. BRIDGETYou live in a museum, full of old things? HECTOROld things. Yes, I have lots of old things.

I live in a museum. OK, I live in a museum. ANNIEWell, thank you Hector and now we’ll show you the flat. BRIDGETThis is the bedroom. HECTORThank you. Who- hey!! Where do you sleep? BRIDGET[Erm] no you don’t understand, we only have one bedroom.

HECTOROne? I have twenty. ANNIETwenty? BRIDGETYes, he lives in a museum, with twenty bedrooms.

ANNIEOh! Ha- ha- ha, very funny, ha, twenty bedrooms! Laughter. BRIDGETWell, you can sleep here. HECTOROh, thank you. ANNIEOh, no, no, no, Hector! It’s a bed. HECTORA bed? Ah, oh …BRIDGETHere’s a cushion. HECTOROh, thank you.

ANNIEOh, this of course is the TV. BRIDGETBut just relax, I must go to the bathroom. Psst! Annie! Bathroom!! Now!! BRIDGETOh my goodness, what are we going to do? He plays with toy cars! ANNIEHe is not a sexy Argentinian.

Mm, but he is sweet. BRIDGETAnd he is polite. BRIDGET and ANNIEBut those clothes! ANNIEOh, he is so old- fashioned. BRIDGETMm, he must go. HECTORRoom service.

NICKHello. Who are you? HECTOROh, you who are quick, good. NICKAy? HECTORMy luggage is downstairs. NICKWhat? HECTORBring it up, please.

NICKWhat are you doing? HECTORI pulled, you come, you are the butler. NICKThe butler?! I am Nick, I live next door. HECTOROh, I, … I am Hector. NICKOh, Hector, from Argentina. HECTORYes, from Argentina!

NICKWhere are the girls? HECTORThe girls? NICKYeah, Bridget and Annie. HECTOROh they live here. NICKYeah, I know. Where’s Bridget? Does she know you are here? HECTORBridget, she gave me this.

NICKOh. ANNIEHello Nick! Oh, this is Hector from Argentina. NICKYeah, I know. BRIDGETIsn’t he wonderful! NICKWonderful. BRIDGETAre you hungry? HECTORUh? BRIDGETWe’ll buy your lunch. What would you like to eat?

Fish and chips? HECTOROh, fish and ships!![Laughs]ANNIE[Erm] Nick, Hector, make friends. BRIDGETNick, teach Hector some English. NICKYeah, OK, I’ll teach Hector some English.

NICK [sending email]‘Yo Dan! How’s it going?! The chicks in the apartment opposite have a visitor, Hector from Argentina.’HECTOROh, you who are quick, good. NICK [sending email]‘He can’t speak English.

Man! He thought I was the butler!’HECTORI pulled, you come. You are the butler. NICKHa, the butler.[sending email] ‘And even worse, I think he fancies Bridget.’HECTORShe gave me this. NICK [sending email]‘The girls have gone out, so I will teach him to speak English!’NICKI’ll teach Hector some English.

NICK [sending email]‘See what I mean? Stay cool. N. P. S. Big decision. Today I joined an acting agency. Brad Pitt is history!’NICKOK, this is the oven. HECTORThis is the ov- en. NICKAnnie’s dog sleeps in the oven. HECTORAnnie’s dog sleeps in the oven.

NICKSo you say “Annie!

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